Day One: I’m so bored of Kansas. All the men here are so black and white. I need a change in my life—I need a new kind of man who will make me feel sexually alive. I wish something interesting would happen to me.

Day Two: Talk about a shock! I was swept up in a tornado with my dog, Toto, and dropped in a strange, beautiful new land called Oz! As soon as I got there, I was told that I killed a witch. I was honored by a bunch of little people, but none of them were really my type. This land is so strange and wonderful! Back home everything was drab, but here it’s so colorful! I’m hoping I’ll meet a colored man while I’m here, too. I’m told there’s a wizard who is supposed to give you whatever you want…maybe he’ll give me that orgasm I’ve been hoping for.

Day Four: After being told to follow a yellow brick road in order to get some ass, I met my first guy from Oz today! I told him he could take me over the rainbow, but he’s either playing hard to get or he’s a little on the dumber side. That’s okay—it shouldn’t take a genius to know how to please me.

Day Five: Oh. My. God. So that guy I talked about? Yeah, well, he’s made of straw. I snuck into his bed last night to fool around a little, and when I pulled down his pants, there was NOTHING THERE. Whoever made this scarecrow forgot to add a scarecock. I’m getting a little frustrated—I don’t remember the last time I went this long without sex.

Day Seven: Today I met a new guy! He’s made of tin, which I hope means he’ll be hard all the time, if you catch my drift. I’m so over the Scarecrow. Ugh, what a loser.

Day Eight: Another bust with the Tinman. I thought things were promising when he asked me to oil him up, but it turned out it was just so he could move around and not for any sexual purpose. I’ll keep looking, I guess. I hope we find that stupid wizard soon. God, I’m so horny.

Day Ten: Wow, talk about a beast of a man. Today I met some weird lion-human hybrid dude. Normally it would freak me out, but I’m starting to get desperate. I’m not really into bestiality (other than that one time with Toto and the peanut butter), but at this point, I’ll take anything. Maybe he’ll make a move.

Day Eleven: The Lion is a fucking coward. I don’t want to talk about it.

Day Fifteen: We’re getting close to the Emerald City, but this witch flew by telling us to surrender. At this point, I’m ready to surrender to anything for a good lay, even some creepy green faced whore. Even her flying monkeys are looking good to me at this point. The three idiots won’t stop talking about how the Wizard is going to grant their wishes. I hope he grants some of mine, too.

Day Seventeen: We finally reached the Emerald City and talked to the Wizard. He was spooky—just a gigantic head. And no, not the kind of head I’m looking for. He said in order to get what we wanted, we first had to get the broom of the witch. I’m SO sick of this place. Oz makes Kansas look like ancient Greece. I just want to get this shit over with.

Day Eighteen: We beat the witch and brought back her broom to the Wizard. We all got to wish for something and, after the three dolts made their wishes, the Wizard told them they had what they needed all along. I was pissed and hoped he wouldn’t say that same bullshit to me. He said, “And Dorothy, what do you want?” I answered, “Some sexual gratification in this Godforsaken land.” He said, “You’ve always had the ability! It’s been with you all along.” I was about to strangle his little ass when he gave me the most amazing gift, a ruby red dildo! Turns out he was right. I don’t need a man, dog, scarecrow, or lion to take care of my needs, I can do it myself! Now I just wish I was home so someone could use my new ruby red friend on me. There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home…   

[Content 2] [Halloween] [Music Died] [Clippy] [Penis Names] [M Lane] [Red Shoes]

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