Hair Loss
If Jesus had IM
Board Games
Mega Chris
Personal Assistant
Picture Perfect
Why are you looking here?

     Since starting up this here site (and its blog predecessor), I’ve written about some important topics: goat sex, three-armed babies, Megaman. Since April, these random musings have brought in over 35,000 visitors, mostly from word-of-mouth, my own hassling, and links on other websites.

   But sometimes people find OneEggShy through other means like forums or search engines. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I’m able to track, a la Big Brother, where people are being referred from to get to my website, and I thought I’d list the best searches that yielded my site as a result. The first two are pretty benign, but after that it gets a little weird. Here they are:

“How to propose to a shy man”

     My only hope is that the woman who performed this search found an answer to her question, although I could answer it in one word: “naked.” Some other results for this search  were a page on Nietzsche and Marxism, a detailing of a date with a wimpy guy, and a study guide for Anna Karenina. This all makes perfect sense. Let’s see another.

“Hockey hair”

   This search either resulted from a piece I wrote about watching the Olympics or because someone has serious issues with how long I go in between haircuts. Either way, I’m glad that someone uses this same euphemism for the mullet as my brother and me. Hopefully they’ll get a chuckle when landing on my site or a new hairdo to try out. It’s so in this year.

198802

“Chord rogressions for ‘Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls’”

   Without running this Google search myself, I would have had no freakin’ clue how this search would lead people to my website. It comes from a combination of a request for  John Mayer to request his music be pulled from restaurants nationwide and my friend Craig’s subsequent comment about how he misses Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez. I only pray this would-be guitarist found the chords so he can sing along. Maybe he bangs on the guitar during the rap part?

“Hands in fecal matter” & “Is fecal matter okay to eat?”

     Sheesh, where to start with this one. I hope they weren’t looking for pictures of hands in fecal matter, because that is something I don’t advocate. If you want to take pictures of said material, keep it to yourself. I can answer the second question as well as Jeeves...NO. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS FECAL MATTER OKAY TO EAT. Jesus Christ.

“Bestial splooge”

   What? Why? What? Why would someone search for this? How disappointed must they have been when they found my website and the only pics I had were of my hands in fecal matter? I’m surprised they didn’t leave an angry comment or have their pet sheep do it. Gross. Seriously gross. And speaking of gross...

“Is it harmful for my dog to lick my anus?”

     WHO THE HELL GOOGLES THIS?!?! I can’t imagine a scenario where this question occurs to someone. Did the searcher accidentally sit on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and allow Fido to get too close? Is he worried about bacteria from letting Rex go to town? If he’s searching for this, he needs to be worried about MUCH more important issues, like what breed of dog has the longest, most supple tongue.  I grossed myself out with that one. Side note: when searching for this picture of the guy, I googled “Guy crouching” and made sure the safesearch was on.

   Keep the weird searches coming, folks.

GuyDog

[Content] [Jesus IM 2] [Jesus IM 1] [90's Games] [Hair] [Searches] [Pic Perfect] [Youth]

Like it? Hate it? E-mail me at webmaster@oneeggshy.com